I always find the end of the year to be a very ironic time in my life. I put on my sequined dress and sky high heels, pop champagne and post an Instagram photo with a super cheesy New Years caption that I steal from Oprah or a Mantra Band. I sing and dance with my family and friends, and send kissy face emojis to everyone on Snapchat. I post my “year in review” video on Facebook followed by #blessed #thankful #readyfor2018. But somehow, after all the makeup comes off, the Snap story expires and the hangover kicks in…I realize that New Years is the absolute worst. It is a holiday that causes me more anxiety than usual, a time of self reflection that makes me think “damn…what exactly did I do for the last 365 days” and most of all a chance to use excess amounts of alcohol to mask the self perceived progress of my life.

But something is different this year. Let me explain.

One of my friends from college gave me a pair of earrings for Christmas. The earrings were adorable, but it was something else that really resonated with me. On the package was a quote that read “Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never knew you had.” Wow. Let’s read that one more time….

“Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never knew you had.”

I have probably read that quote over and over a hundred times and realized that it is so true in regards to my life.

When I begin every new year I create lists of goals and resolutions etc. Go to the gym more, progress in your career, be a better daughter and sister…the list goes on. These resolutions come from an idea in my head. A picture of where I should be at the age of 24. A picture that has been painted by society, social media, my parents and my friends. But imagine if at the end of the year we considered all of the amazing things that happened to us outside of our “lists.” The dreams we didn’t know we had…..

My goal for 2017 was to move out of my parents house and in to the city. That didn’t happen. But instead I got the chance to spend a year living in my childhood home, saving money, waking up to the smell of my mom’s cooking and my dad’s classical Indian music. Something I know I will be grateful for later in life. A dream I didn’t know I had.

I wanted to visit a new country in 2017. That didn’t happen. But instead I was able to move to New York City for 3 months and live like Carrie Bradshaw. I explored every nook and cranny of Manhattan. I spent Memorial day wine tasting in Connecticut. I got to go to work in beautiful Tribeca and enjoy overpriced Matcha in the West Village. A dream I didn’t know I had.

I wanted my blog to reach 10k followers in 2017 and that didn’t happen (not even close). But instead I was able to land brand partnerships I would have never have imagined, I was invited to Pinterest HQ and Femme Fair. I have met hundreds of amazing new friends from all over the world. I taught myself the basics of css and launched my own site! A dream I never knew I had.

I realize that the cause of my New Year sadness is not what I am..but rather what I think that I’m not.  So this year, I have made a promise to myself to truly enjoy the beauty in not-accomplishing goals. Celebrating the dreams I didn’t know I had. Learning from the struggles of failure. And though the destination will probably end up on Social Media, it is the journey, that no one else sees, which I will cherish.

Wishing you all a happy, healthy and successful New Year!

xoxo Nam